I share what's REALLY going on in my life in hopes it will help someone else who is struggling. It's not a cry for help or to be Negative Nancy. Social media posts are so superficial. Best angle, only positivity, or nothing at all. But how do you connect to people? By being AUTHENTIC and GENUINE.
I made it through this week because of AdvoCare's Slim. I don't drink coffee and desperately needed something to get through the day. I'm not trying to sell a product, just give credit where it's due. Why do you ask?
So I drank my Slim (It has vitamins, minerals, appetite suppressant, and natural energy) twice a day with my Crystal Light (shhhh...) And I wasn't tired when I got home from work. What? I only took a nap once this week. I'm the queen of naps and sleeping whenever I feel like it. I've had a regular routine this week!
A lot of people know I was struggling or depressed, but for some reason I feel like sharing my story. Most of you know that my parents passed about nine months apart. What people don't know was that everything came to a crashing halt 6 months later. I had to be busy all the time because I was avoiding grief. Trying to avoid dealing with life and all the changes that life threw at me that I had no control over. I wasn't taking care of myself. I would busy myself so much during the day I couldn't sleep. A friend, suggested the cause was from busyness, but I couldn't deal with the harsh reality of loneliness that grief leaves behind. When I crashed I couldn't get out of bed. It wasn't laziness. I wasn't suicidal. I ended up losing my job. I've had to peel back layers and layers of walls I built up. It took me 6 months to open up in therapy. I am pretty sure my therapist nearly fell off her chair. I hate the side effects of the medication I take but I can now fall asleep and get out of bed most days. This road hasn't been easy. God never promised an easy life, but He promised to be there with us through it all.
Thankfully, I didn't burn my bridges with my employer and finally returned back to work this week. With it being my first full-time week in two years, I was scared. I hardly slept Sunday night. I turned the radio on during my commute. The first words I heard were - ,"You're not alone" from a song by Owl City on 104.9. it took everything I had not to lose it (I had to take a picture for my badge). A lot of my co-workers were still there and everyone was so incredibly kind and excited to see me. It was almost overwhelming.
Adulting has been far from easy. Because of training, today I had to miss my Dad's bone marrow donor's wedding. Steve gave my dad another thirteen years of life because of his selfless registration to be a donor. Kim is a very lucky woman and the newest member of our family.
Grief is challenging. It's scary. It's personal and different for each relationship. It is like ocean waves. Sometimes they are a small and gentle or they are a hundred feet high and completely consume us, but the wave will pass. We have to learn how to keep hanging on to our life preserver.
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
- Queen Elizabeth II
